do not worry lad. that's just growing up.
society gets progressively worse because of some political stuff you may only quite get a grasp on when you get a tad bit older.
a pro tip that i can give you is to not hide your emotions whatsoever. embracing it and rebeling against it is, in my humble opinion, the best way to sought around it.
I feel you, growing up is quite shite. when i was your age I felt like the same way: like the entire bloody world was against me. It is not quite, people sometimes just won't use their brain and even when they use it, they'll be using it for stupid narcisistic bullshittery.
You said you're trans. I am not. But I've went through some shit for a trans friend of mine. She's a tad bit better nowadays but she's still scarred from the shit she went through. I don't know how it feels to be hated because of what you are but i know that it hurts a lot. For that I cannot suggest anything but to resort to art as a cope mechanism... I am sorry.
Well... I cannot do much but share with you some "magical wisdom" my old ass has gathered from its teen years, but I don't think that'll help you a lot.
so... All I can tell you, lass, is that life is a shit, life is a burden and you'll get stomped on if you don't find a cope mechanism, a rock for your sysiphus to push against the tall mountain.
And do not ask forgiveness, you're real strong for being open about this sorta stuff. Try and talk this off with your therapist, they'll help you way better than an actual stranger will.
anyways...
This has been Meuny.
Boccoli
Please don’t worry about me killing myself i don’t want to do it.